


You should have let me die

by Jasontoddsrevenge



Series: Saphael tumblr prompts. [2]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: M/M, Simon is angry, cheesy as fuck ending, i dont know what this is, raphael is still hurt, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-19
Updated: 2017-07-19
Packaged: 2018-12-04 09:29:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11552340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jasontoddsrevenge/pseuds/Jasontoddsrevenge
Summary: Simon gets hurt on a shadowhunters mission. He thinks hes going to die, the last thing he wants to do before he does is call Raphael





	You should have let me die

Simon felt it. He knew what was happening the second the blood started rushing out of him faster than he thought possible. He fell to the ground holding his stomach. Clary knelt next to him, tears rolling down her face.

 

He shook with the implication and gasped out. "Am I dying? Clary. Am I dying?"

Clary shook her head. "No, Simon you have to hold on. Magnus will be here soon. Please Simon, just hold on. "

 

He moved his hand to grip hers, his blood smudging against her pale skin. "Cla- Clary you have to call him. I need- I need to talk to him before I die." His words going quiet as he tried to breathe them out.

"We already called him, Simon. He's on his way. You just have to hold on."

Her makeup was running down her face and Simon wanted to wipe it off for her.

 

"No, Clary you have to call Raphael. Pl- please. I need to say I'm sorry. Please Clary," he coughed and he tasted the metallic liquid on his tongue and he could feel it covering his teeth.

Clary nodded and with her free hand pulled her phone out of her back pocket. As she dialed the number, Simon looked up at the others. Izzy stood next to Jace who had his arm wrapped around her, Alec was standing a few feet away whispering something into his cell phone.

 

This was supposed to be a simple mission. A few of Valentine’s members were spotted by the docks and they were sent out to capture them. It turned into a fight that Simon wasn't expecting to be so bad. The fight was almost over, one shadowhunter left and Simon lunged for him when he felt the blade slicing through his stomach. Clary was quick to kill the man but the damage was already done. Simon couldn't help but think Raphael was right. Being with the shadowhunters was going to get him killed.

 

Clary's voice brought him back to the present and he listened to her sigh of relief before she started talking.

"Raphael! Thank god."

Simon heard his dry reply over the phone. "What is it this time, shadowhunter? I'm busy."

His voice was laced with annoyance and Simon instantly felt bad. He had no right to call him. No right to even think he wanted to hear Simon's apology.

"Forget it, Clary," his voice croaked out and he cringed when he felt more blood dribble out of his mouth. He could feel the tears spring to his eyes but he tried to hold them back.

Clary took a deep breath and ignored Simon. "Raphael please. Simon needs to talk to you. Please."

 

Simon couldn't hear Raphael's reply because his ears were now ringing. He felt cold; which was weird because vampires weren't supposed to feel cold. He noticed the pain was slipping away.

 _"It means you're dying, idiot,"_ his brain supplied not so helpfully.

 

Clary held the phone up to his ear and Simon took a deep breathe he knew he didn't need. When he exhaled it came out raspy and he groaned at the pain that went through him, probably not as painful as it should have been though. Simon heard a sharp intake of breath on the other end of the line and his guilt just got heavier.

"Rapha-" his voice was almost non existent. He cleared his throat ignoring the blood pooling in his mouth.

"Raphael, I'm so. So sorry. You have no idea how sorry I am. You were right."

He let out a bitter laugh that burned his throat. "You were right. I'm going to die being loyal to the shadowhunters and I'm so sorry."

He ignored Clary's quiet "Simon" at his words. He didn't have it in him to feel bad about what he said. The words were true. He loved Clary and actually started liking the rest of them but he was dying and he had every right to be bitter.

"Simon what's going on? Where are you," Raphael's voice called over the phone but it sounded distant, like Simon was underwater.

"I'm so sorry Raphael. I just- I just needed you to know how sorry I am."

His hand slowly loosened it's grip on Clary's and the last thing Simon heard before his eyes closed against his will was Raphael's quick shout of Simon's name, and Clary touching his face with her hand that was covered in his blood.

"No, Simon please! Simon you have to stay awake PLEASE! I can't lose you. Please, Simon!"

He wanted to tell her he'd be fine, that she would be fine without him but his eyes closed and his body felt like it was floating. _"Shit. I really am going to die aren't I,"_ he thought, before he completely blacked out.

* * *

 

When Simon woke up he felt nothing but pain. He screamed in agony and his body lifted from whatever surface he was on. He faintly heard a voice yell, "hold him down! I can't do this if he's moving! HOLD HIM!" and suddenly there were a pair of hands on his ankles, another pair on his wrists and a final pair on his chest pushing him back down.

"Simon please," he heard a voice beg and he knew that voice.

"Raphael," he whispered before another jolt of pain went through him.

He screamed again and he couldn't help his body lifting up again, the pair of hands on his chest pushed him back down. He tried to wiggle free from the hands holding him, it was too much, there was too much. One of the hands on his chest moved to his cheek and a thumb rubbed circles into his damp skin.

"Simon, you need to stay still. I know it hurts baby but you have to stay still. Just a little while longer, I promise."

Simon fought the urge to thrash against the hands restraining him. Raphael's voice was close to his ear. He couldn't understand what he was saying but it soothed him. He heard the first voice again, "it's done. It's up to him now," and the pain dulled slightly.

Before Simon could even think to ask what he meant by "it's up to him now", he blacked out; the pain and exhaustion taking him back under.

* * *

 

The first thing Simon noticed when he woke up again, besides the pain in his stomach, was raised voices.

"You can't just leave! The last thing he wanted to do before he died was apologize to you! Even though he's done it every single day since it happened!" Clary's voice rang through his head.

"He betrayed his clan for a shadowhunter. That isn't forgiven!" Raphael's voice was quiet and deadly.

"Then why did you come," Clary accused.

Simon almost flinched at the venom in Raphael's reply.

"Maybe I came because I wanted to see him suffer. Maybe I wanted to watch him die," Raphael whispered and before Clary could respond, he was gone.

 

Simon let out a small whimper and held back tears as he finally opened his eyes. He blinked and Clary was next to him in an instant.

"Simon, thank god!"

She went to grab his hand but he snatched it away.

"Don't," he whispered, his voice coming out broken and raspy.

"Simon, what is it?"

Clary sounded hurt and a part of Simon felt bad but most of him just felt angry.

"Leave me alone, Clary."

Clary frowned and picked up the glass of blood sitting on the table next to the bed Simon was laying in.

"Simon, you should drink this."

He took the cup from her and threw it at the wall behind Clary's head. She jumped and gasped. "Simon what the hell?"

"Just get out," he yelled, finding his voice again.

"Simon. Do you- do you remember what happened?"

Her voice was quiet and it angered him more.

"YES Clary, I am aware of what happened. I'm aware that I almost died AGAIN. For you and your people."

He spat the last part out and Clary's mouth fell open in shock. Simon jumped from the bed and stalked towards her, backing her against the wall that was covered in blood.

"I'm aware that you manipulated the love I have for you and Jocelyn and twisted it until you got what you needed out of it. "

Clary was crying now and shaking her head. "Simon I didn-"

But he cut her off by punching the wall next to her head, his fangs now down as he growled at her, "YES you did! And now? Now when everyone I love dies I'll have NO ONE. I'll be alone. I won't have a clan or a family and yes, Clary, I agreed to help you, but you knew I would. You knew I couldn't say no to you, and you used that!"

 

He punched the wall again ignoring the pain it caused in his stomach. He ignored the blood he could smell seeping through his bandages.

"I love you, Clary. You're my best friend but you ruined my life. More than once. I have nothing!"

Clary tried to reach for his hand but he pulled back.

"Simon you have me," she cried and Simon laughed harshly.

"No Clary. No I don't and I haven't since you became a shadowhunter."

He turned towards the bed and kicked one of the frame legs, watching as it shattered.

"Simon, stop. You're scaring me," Clary forced out and Simon laughed.

"What, Clary? Can't handle what you made me?"

He ripped the mattress off the bed and flung it across the room. He watched it destroy the lamp when it connected.

"Can't handle that I'm not that sweet, innocent kid I was before I DIED, Clary?"

 

He picked up the chair that was sat next to the bed and threw it against the wall next to Clary, making the girl scream. It took less than a second for the door to crash open. Simon watched as Alec, Jace and Magnus piled into the room. They all took a look around and noticed Clary against the bloody wall and Simon standing in the middle of the room surrounded by the ruined furniture.

 

"How original. Jace is here to save the day," Simon bit out.

Jace took a step forward and Simon growled at him, flashing his fangs.

"Simon-" Magnus tried to say soothingly but simon was too angry to listen to what he had to say. He took the few steps over to the stand that was sitting next to the ruined bed. He picked it up and threw it at Jace, who tried to duck but was too slow and it slammed into his stomach, making him fall.

Alec jumped towards Simon, ignoring the growl Simon spat at him. He wrapped his arms around the vampire and slammed him into the ground face first.

"You need to calm down, Simon," Alec hissed into his ear.

 

* * *

~Magnus pov~

* * *

 

 

Magnus watched as Alec put his knee into Simon's back and pushed his head into the floor. Jace was staggering to his feet with the help of Clary. Simon was hissing and attempting to claw at Alec. Alec was trying to calm the boy down but nothing was working, it was as if Simon had no control over anything he was doing.

"Let me GO," Simon screamed and Alec pushed his knee farther into Simon's back.

"NOT until you calm down!"

Jace was finally on his feet, unsteady, Magnus noticed but on his feet nonetheless. He watched as Jace moved closer but that seemed to anger Simon more and he came close to actually biting Alec.

"Jace, back off," Alec yelled.

Clary grabbed Jace by the shoulder and pulled him back.

 

Simon started clawing at the the floor next to him. His nails were bloody and his bandages on his stomach were soaked through. Magnus knew he had to do something. But Simon wasn't Simon anymore, it was as if the vampire inside of him had completely taken over and no amount of talking from any of them would work. And Magnus didn't want to hurt the boy anymore than he was already hurting himself. He made a decision then and pulled his phone out.

 

"Alec hold him just a little longer!"

"I'm trying," Alec threw over his shoulder as Simon continued to claw at the floor, blood soaking his broken nails.

Magnus dialed the number and waited until the phone picked up.

"What now?" Raphael's voice sounded bored through the phone and Magnus pinched the bridge of his nose.

"You need to get over here and control your fledgling. Now."

"He's not my fledgling," Raphael growled and Magnus rolled his eyes.

"Well whatever he is, he's tearing up my floor ruined my furniture, and currently trying to rip my boyfriend apart. So come and control him before I do."

"Hes not my responsibility," Raphael breathed into the phone.

"He isn't mine either and yet he's in my spare room tearing it apart. You know how much I love that room. Look, Raphael. I know you. I know that even though he hurt you, you still care about him. He's still your family and I know you don't want to see him hurt. So get your ass over here and help him!"

Magnus ended the call before Raphael could respond.

"I'm a good person I don't deserve this," he muttered before re-entering the room.

The first thing Magnus noticed when he returned was the long gash across Alec's cheek. Simon was still struggling just as hard and Alec looked ready to either kill the boy or just give up.

"Just hang on for one more minute," Magnus said and Alec looked up at him and nodded.

Clary was standing in the corner crying next to Jace and Magnus rolled his eyes.

"Maybe you two should wait in the living room."

Clary looked like she was going to protest but Jace nodded and pulled her out of the room.Before Magnus could say anything else there was a breeze next to him and suddenly Alec was sitting on the floor alone and Raphael had Simon pinned to the wall by his throat.

Alec stood up suddenly. "Let go of him!" He made to step forward but Magnus put his hand on his shoulder.

"Wait.”  

He nodded his head towards the other two.

"Simon, CALM DOWN," Raphael yelled but Simon only flashed his fangs at him.

Magnus watched as Raphael flashed his fangs back at Simon.

"Simon, listen to me. Take a deep breath. I know we don't need to breathe but it'll help. Trust me. Take. A. Breath."

Raphael's voice was lower now, almost soothing.

"Come on. Take a breath with me."

Raphael took a deep breath and, surprisingly, Simon did too. Magnus watched as the glazed look in Simon's eyes started to disappear.

"Good. Take another. Come on baby."

Simon copied Raphael's breathing and finally his fangs retracted. Magnus watched as Simon sagged against the older vampire. Raphael didn't hesitate as he lowered them both to the ground and ran his fingers through Simon's hair, whispering things Magnus couldn't hear.

He tugged on Alec's shirt and pointed towards the door. Alec nodded and followed Magnus out of the room shutting the door behind him, leaving the other two alone.

* * *

~Simon pov~

* * *

 

Simon felt himself being lowered to the ground and faintly heard the door shut. He felt fingers running through his hair and someone was whispering spanish in his ear. He stilled when he recognized the voice. He tried to push away from the solid body holding him but Raphael's arms only tightened around him.

"Let me go! You should have let me die! Why didn't you just let me die!?"

His voice was hoarse and barely above a whisper.

"I couldn't let you die, Simon," Raphael said into Simon's hair.

"You wanted me dead. You said so yourself. You only came because you wanted to watch me die. You should have let me. I don't deserve to be alive after what I did."

He stopped trying to get out of Raphael's arms but was still trying to keep a distance.

"I'm angry, Simon. Pissed actually but I don't want you dead. None of us do. Why would I help save your life if I wanted you dead?"

Simon dared to look at Raphael's face this time and he didn't see anger there, but a small reassuring smile.

"None of them want me dead," he whispered and Raphael shook his head.

Simon closed his eyes to try and stop the tears threatening to escape but a sob tore through his chest and he grabbed Raphael, tugging him closer so he was fully leaning into the older man with his face buried into Raphael's jacket. Raphael wrapped his arms around his fledgling and let him cry.

They sat there until Simon gave a small, shaky chuckle. Raphael pulled back to look at Simon who was now wiping his face.

"What's funny?"

Simon laughed again. "I ruined another one of your jackets."

Raphael chuckled. "Everytime without fail. ...Simon. Come home." Raphael's voice was low and unguarded.

"Really," Simon asked, trying to search Raphael's eyes for any kind of trick. He saw nothing.

"We want you back, baby."

Simon quickly wrapped his arms around Raphael and hugged him. He pulled away before Raphael could protest and smiled up at the older vampire.

"Let's go home."

**Author's Note:**

> It's been so long since I've actually sat down and written something so I really hope you guys enjoy this.  
> come talk to me on tumblr. @mattjostensbutt


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